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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  I can't open my eyes

  (925): View more from California

  Lol why not?

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  wait... oh

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• (310): View more from California

  based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs

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• (925): View more from California

  These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...

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• (310): View more from California

  yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???

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• (530): View more from California

  I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous

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• (562): View more from California

  I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.

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