We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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