3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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