dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
