Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
