I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We had to coat check the pizza.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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