I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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