maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
