If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
