atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My penis needs a shock collar
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
