is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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