Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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