When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
