Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
