he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
