you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
last night I used snow as a chaser
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