Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
