WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
