i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
