I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
