Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
