"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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