When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
