I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
