If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
