A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
