Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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