there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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