Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
false alarm, still single
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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