oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
