I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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