Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
