A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
