did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
