Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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