More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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