I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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