Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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