Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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