Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
