Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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