WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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