I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
