oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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