Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Randomize
