First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
