did i walk over a car last night?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
