Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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