a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
