Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
