The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize