i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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