OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
