either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
