yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
