youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
