I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
