can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
