New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
