I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
