Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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