I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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