I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
