I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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