I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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