I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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