Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
