ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
