I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
