Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
