we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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